Movie Review: Bronson (2009)

"No one wanted to fight me, so I ended up fighting a dog. I won that one too -
but I had to kill the dog." - Charles Bronson (prisoner)

My dear dear cousin (who suggests some of the most asinine movies for me to watch. One in particular that stands out: 1985's World War II rooskie psychological mindfuck of a movie, Idi i Smotri aka Come and See) threw a movie my way this past weekend. When he talks up a movie, he does so in such bravado and confidence that it really convinces me that any movie he watches and suggests can possibly be the next classic. Well, he's done it this time.

One man. One movie. One two syllable, single word title: Bronson.

'Bronson' stars British born actor, Tom Hardy, and is a movie (released in the UK 03/13/09) that is about Britain's most violent (and expensive) prisoner, Mickey Peterson aka 'Charles Bronson'. The film takes you through his life behind bars and takes it even further as Bronson (Tom Hardy) narrates his own story. In the first 5 minutes of the movie, you can tell that this man is charmingly psychotic. The character (and the idea of the movie) is reminiscent of Chopper (starring Eric Bana; released in 2000) in that the story is based on a criminal who's charming personality can switch into rabid vicious manimal in .5 seconds. And you can't help but love it.

But the way the movie plays out is a bit different. Chopper (or Chup-pah as it is phonetically spelled according to the Austrians. Haha) is more or less like Australia's version of Reservoir Dogs, while 'Bronson' takes its tips from 'A Clockwork Orange' (I know it's such a cop out to mention Kubrick's famed movie in my review since it was mentioned in quotes on the movie's posters, but it REALLY is kind of like A Clockwork Orange!). The violence that is inflicted isn't particularly mind blowing, it is more or less the passion portrayed by Tom Hardy that is. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in any way undermining the level of ferocity that is thrust upon the prison guards, but the real face of fear is in Tom Hardy's sarcastic (and mustache donning) grin as he punches and bites his way through confinement. The man is an animal. And there is no way of understanding it. Not only is his personality intimidating, but his physical appearance and mannerisms are shocking. His image resembles something of an old time strongman from the turn of the century (not the milennium, the 1900's). Think of a bald Arthur Saxon. But, more about the movie and less about the actual man.

As mentioned before, the movie is narrated by Tom Hardy's raspy sounding Bronson character. Throughout the film, most of the violent scenes are shown while classical music (Verdi, Wagner, Bruckner etc.) is played. Much like A Clockwork Orange (see, I told you). Maybe it's to show the contrast between violence and beauty and trying to meld it together into this beautiful piece of art, which, is something that Bronson himself has acheived in real life (he sells his art from prison). Watching the violent scenes being exaggerated in slow motion is like watching a lion taking down a gazelle in the Sahara desert. It's majestic to watch more than it is a dismal part of life. I think the director (Nicolas Winding Refn) does a great job at portraying this to the audience. And as for our main anti-hero, Bronson; it is magnificently played by our underdog actor, Tom Hardy.

Tom Hardy has done a successful job at staying under the radar in the previous years by being cast in such movies as Star Trek: Nemesis, Blackhawk Down and RocknRolla. But you really wouldn't recognize him from those movies because this guy got so damn yolked up for this performance. Much like Bale losing over 60lbs. for The Machinist or Charlize Theron (probably) gaining that much weight for Monster. Though, unlike those movies, Tom Hardy captivates the audience in a more hilariously insane role. This movie is his 'Romper Stomper'. This is his 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest'. This is his 'Taxi Driver'. And I am a fan. Hardy plays Bronson with such grandiose and flamboyance that you're absolutely drawn in with his ability and talent. Hopefully, he has a good agent on his shoulder because I definitely would like to see him in more roles.

All in all, this movie was good and I thank my cousin for keeping his ears to the streets. It might be a bit drawn out and a bit awkward at some points throughout the movie, but Hardy does a good job at reeling you back in for more bloody ultra-violence (sans "the ol' in-out, in-out").

To Insanity and Beyond!

Now, I don't know about you folks, but I have an affinity for crazy space movies. Sure, your typical space movies with aliens and rayguns and hot space babes are good. They open up a whole spectrum of advanced human possibilities and theories. But, I'm not talking about those.

I'm talking about "crazy" space movies.

I'm talking about space movies that explore the very depths of human psychology and the physical and mental effects that the infinite black void has on the mortal psyche. I'm talking about accidentally (or purposely) opening up the air-lock door to the ship and getting sucked out into the dark, cold space only to get the bends and have your insides torturously expand slowly, destroying your very soul in a matter of seconds.

I guess what prompted me to write/type this little piece up is the fact that there will be a new movie coming out starring Sam Rockwell entitled 'Moon'(set to be released 07/20/2009). No, it's not a documentary about our beloved nightly sphere that sheds light on half the Earth, cleverly narrated by David Attenborough (or Morgan Freeman or Sigourney Weaver etc.). A quick synopsis of the movie: Humans have found an efficient way of harvesting energy on the Moon and a gentile by the name of Sam Bell is nearing the end of his 3 year shift. Now, he's been alone for 3 years. So, being as this article is about "crazy space", come to your own conclusions.

Another fine piece of film that encapsulates pure solar system insanity is 'Sunshine', directed by the very talented Danny Boyle (though I've yet to see Slumdog Millionaire. Shutup). It's basically about how the sun is dying out in our near future and a team of astronauts/scientists have to fly to the sun to re-ignite it. That alone is a crazy premise! Who ever thought about re-igniting the effing sun?! Also, the cast was brilliant and very cohesive. Each actor's character had a purpose on the doomed ship and it was absolutely thrilling (despite the pace of the movie) to see things slowly fall apart. I can't say much for the end. I hated it. But the rest of the movie made up for it.

There's a ton of other movies, I'm sure, that fall into this category of "dark space movies". But, there are movies that were just completely lame. Hmmm...let's try 'Red Planet' with Val Kilmer. Or how about 'Mission to Mars' starring Tim Robbins? Horrible. HORRIBLE! But eh, Hollywood is known for spewing out more junk than good. I just won't waste my time watching 'em.

Space has infinite possibilites and ideas to explore. The psychology of space travel alone is extremely daunting and even in real life, astronauts have to do extensive psycho analysis before even stepping foot on a shuttle. I suppose that space isn't the only place where one can go beserk. You might want to go try the grim reaches of the deep sea ('The Abyss' anyone?). I guess maybe the reason why I have this appreciation for these types of movies is because space (and the deep sea, respectively) are places where humans have not fully explored. They're both mysterious areas for humans physically AND mentally. These places challenge the very being that we are and we still stay compelled and completely enthralled by the fact that we know nothing about these two areas of potential discovery. And while everybody has a positive outlook on our explorations, that maybe we'll find another planet to inhabit, I myself am more interested in what it takes for us as a race to get there. Because the one thing that nobody wants to understand is our own minds and what it would do to us (and others) if put in strenuous situations. And there's nothing more psychologically onerous than space.

Plus, it's hilarious (and sometimes really cool) when space travellers fuck up and jeapordize everything.

'Aliens' anybody?

New Moon is For Pedophiles

In case you're living under a rock or maybe, magically living INSIDE a rock, and you somehow got out of it and joined the Real World, one of the first things you'd possibly see is the Twilight pandemonium (and then you'd go on to notice we have a black President, California still hates Gays and cats have the amazing ability of playing the keyboard). And if you keep looking, you'll see the new movie posters for the second film, New Moon (set to release on 11/20/09).

Is it me, or does anybody notice anything about these posters? Does something seem a bit off to you? Do you feel like by looking at these posters, it's a bit taboo? Does looking upon these posters evoke a sense of paranoia, like Dateline NBC's Chris Hansen is going to pop out of nowhere and ask you to sit down for a talk to question your motives? Because that's how I feel. I mean, look at these posters! 2 out of the 3 posters for the movie have SHIRTLESS MALE TEENS. I don't think there has EVER been, in the history of movie posters, a poster that depicts half-naked teenagers.

Now, I completely understand that the core demographic of this phenomenon are girly tweenie boppers (generally ages 7 - 18, but I know some over the ages of 23!). I understand that these girls need a new boner popping man to look up to because Zac Efron is starting to take off in his movie career towards more of an "adult" mainstream and, well, he's just getting older (be forewarned: he WILL have facial hair one day). But for whoever's in charge of marketing for New Moon, this is just WRONG to capitalize on this type of audience, by plastering half-naked male teens all over the place.

I wonder how the meeting for the Marketing Execs went for this movie:

Exec #1: "So yeah, how are we going to make this movie different from the first one?"
Exec #2: "Right. Because the first one sucked and we need to set ourselves apart from that blunder. We did it right by sacking Catherine Hardwicke!"
Exec #1: "Fuckin' A right we did! And we got Chris Weitz to direct! He knows a thing or two about gettin' to the kids! I mean, did you SEE American Pie?!"
Exec #2: "Yeah, but we gotta do something else...I feel we should tell people we're serious about this movie. We want this to go in a new direction."
Exec #1: "Maybe we can really focus on the romance between Edward and Bella and showcase, in the trailers, her dramatic heartbreak when he leaves!"
Janitor: (Walks in and notices the conversation) "Why don't you just throw a bunch of underage boys on the movie posters with their shirts off?"
Exec #1: "Is that even legal?"
Exec #2: "Don't we want people to take us seriously?"
Janitor: "It's completely legal and people will take you seriously. If, by people, you mean little prebuscent girls."
Exec #1 & #2: "FUCKING BRILLIANT!"

Marketing Execs (or whoever's in charge), you've completely lost all credibility, IF, there was even an ounce of credibility left for this Saga. Whatever. Just don't be surprised if all of a sudden police start raiding pedophiles' houses and find New Moon posters of The Wolfpack all over the place. And by the way, Jacob turns into a puppy. Way to go.