Monday, June 8, 2009

New Moon is For Pedophiles

In case you're living under a rock or maybe, magically living INSIDE a rock, and you somehow got out of it and joined the Real World, one of the first things you'd possibly see is the Twilight pandemonium (and then you'd go on to notice we have a black President, California still hates Gays and cats have the amazing ability of playing the keyboard). And if you keep looking, you'll see the new movie posters for the second film, New Moon (set to release on 11/20/09).

Is it me, or does anybody notice anything about these posters? Does something seem a bit off to you? Do you feel like by looking at these posters, it's a bit taboo? Does looking upon these posters evoke a sense of paranoia, like Dateline NBC's Chris Hansen is going to pop out of nowhere and ask you to sit down for a talk to question your motives? Because that's how I feel. I mean, look at these posters! 2 out of the 3 posters for the movie have SHIRTLESS MALE TEENS. I don't think there has EVER been, in the history of movie posters, a poster that depicts half-naked teenagers.

Now, I completely understand that the core demographic of this phenomenon are girly tweenie boppers (generally ages 7 - 18, but I know some over the ages of 23!). I understand that these girls need a new boner popping man to look up to because Zac Efron is starting to take off in his movie career towards more of an "adult" mainstream and, well, he's just getting older (be forewarned: he WILL have facial hair one day). But for whoever's in charge of marketing for New Moon, this is just WRONG to capitalize on this type of audience, by plastering half-naked male teens all over the place.

I wonder how the meeting for the Marketing Execs went for this movie:

Exec #1: "So yeah, how are we going to make this movie different from the first one?"
Exec #2: "Right. Because the first one sucked and we need to set ourselves apart from that blunder. We did it right by sacking Catherine Hardwicke!"
Exec #1: "Fuckin' A right we did! And we got Chris Weitz to direct! He knows a thing or two about gettin' to the kids! I mean, did you SEE American Pie?!"
Exec #2: "Yeah, but we gotta do something else...I feel we should tell people we're serious about this movie. We want this to go in a new direction."
Exec #1: "Maybe we can really focus on the romance between Edward and Bella and showcase, in the trailers, her dramatic heartbreak when he leaves!"
Janitor: (Walks in and notices the conversation) "Why don't you just throw a bunch of underage boys on the movie posters with their shirts off?"
Exec #1: "Is that even legal?"
Exec #2: "Don't we want people to take us seriously?"
Janitor: "It's completely legal and people will take you seriously. If, by people, you mean little prebuscent girls."
Exec #1 & #2: "FUCKING BRILLIANT!"

Marketing Execs (or whoever's in charge), you've completely lost all credibility, IF, there was even an ounce of credibility left for this Saga. Whatever. Just don't be surprised if all of a sudden police start raiding pedophiles' houses and find New Moon posters of The Wolfpack all over the place. And by the way, Jacob turns into a puppy. Way to go.

1 comment:

SuzANNE said...

Love this title.